Its official.. I hate my life.
I finally got my dermals on my hips yesterday! I’m so excited. I love them! Now I just don’t know what is gonna happen when my parents find out.. lmao. (;
So.. I’m getting my hips pierced today! I’m so excited, but nervous at the same time! I hope it doesn’t hurt too bad. I can’t wait! Ahhh! :D
I’m trying to get over him. I saw him today, though.. it was awkward, too. He drives a black tahoe & I see those everywhere! Which doesn’t help. I want him off my mind! It sucks, because things were going great. I’m not sure what’s happened. I hate it. And, I’m not sure what to say or even tell him. I don’t know what to do anymore. Fml.
I need to listen to my own advice:
Stop chasing him. If he wants you, he will chase you.
Why is it so hard to listen to the advice I give others when I need to listen to it the most myself.
Ever since my senior year, it seems like my life has gone down hill. I had death threats, two good friends died, I was raped, and I’ve lost a lot of close friends. I try to be optomistic, and think things will get better, but they don’t. I started drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. I know I need to start going to church, but its hard to get back into the routine and not being able to sleep late on Sundays. I know that drinking alcohol and hanging out with my so-called “friends” is wrong, but I guess you can just consider me “living in the moment.” I think I might be suffering from depression, too. I’m never happy anymore. Its hard to be. I’m always fighting with my parents, I don’t think they even trust me anymore. So the other day I moved in with my grandparents, temporarily, just to get away for a while. I’m going to try and turn my life around starting now.
I’m failing 4 of my classes in college, and I think its too late to bring my grades up.. I don’t want to drop out, it’d just make me feel like a failure in life. I would never get a good job. There’s no way I could work at McDonald’s the rest of my life.. or Walmart. I want to be successful, but at my rate, I’ll never get there.
I also have anger issues. I get mad over a lot of things.. even the small stuff. I could argue about anything with anyone if I think I’m right. I need to quit that.. I think that’s why I’ve lost many of my friends. I’m trying to control my anger, but its going to take a lot more work than I thought.
The only way I can get through any of this is with the help of God and trusting in Him. And that’s what I’m going to do.. give up my life to Him, and trusting that He will get me through all of this. No, I can’t take back everything I’ve done in my past that has hurt anyone or the wrong things I have done, but I can always do things better and start a new chapter in my life.
